At 60 degrees farenheit, Floridians turn on the heat. New Englanders plant gardens.

At 50 degrees, California hospitals are choked with hypothermia victims. New Englanders sunbathe.

At 40 degrees, English and Italian cars won't start. New Englanders drive with the windows downs.

At 32 degrees, distilled water freezes. The water in Moosehead Lake thickens.

At 20 degrees, Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and hats. New Englanders throw on a flannel shirt.

At 15 degrees, New York landlords finally turn on the heat. In New England, they have the last cookout, "before it gets cold."

At 0 degrees, Miamians die - or return to Cuba. New Englanders close the windows.

At 10 below, Californians illegally emigrate to Mexico. New Englanders think about breaking out the winter coat.

At 25 below, silicone freezes in Hollywood starlets. Girl Scouts in New England sell cookies door to door.

At 40 below, Washington runs out of hot air. In New England, the dogs get to sleep inside.

At 100 below, Santa abandons the North Pole. People in New England are "wicked pissed awff" because "the cah won't staht."

At 459 below (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale) all atomic motion ceases. New Englanders start asking "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

At 500 below Hell freezes over, and in New England... (drum roll) the Red Sox finally win the World Series