RED SOX, BLOHARDS STAGE AUDACIOUS UPRISING
Insurgency Takes Dramatic Turn as Hundreds Brazenly Celebrate in Mid-Manhattan
Yankee Partisans Flee City for Points North, West, East
Steinbrenner Issues Panicky Statement
New York, November 13, 2004: Exhibiting military discipline and an almost hubristic confidence, the Red Sox and their local partisans today staged a stunning uprising in their adversary’s very capital. Apparently materializing out of the mist, hundreds of irregulars attached to the Red Sox Nation’s BLOHARD militia converged on Manhattan’s Yale Club at around 5:00 this evening.
Meeting no resistance, the horde quickly seized control of the club and its environs, eventually setting up a de facto headquarters on the building’s third floor. After joining forces with a Red Sox contingent which arrived from Boston, the assemblage ran riot; eating, drinking and disparaging Yankeedom in all its forms. It is further reported that the revelry included a brazen display of the recently captured world series trophy. Indicating the messianic faith of the insurgents, it was reported that Red Sox had deployed Senior Vice President Dr. Charles Steinberg behind enemy lines to personally supervise the operation. Additionally, the BLOHARDS' entire leadership cadre, including the “Beloved Helmsman” J. B Powers was on the scene.
Coming as another in a series of stunning blows, this uprising further demoralized an already dispirited Yankee fandom. In its aftermath, trains and roads out of Manhattan were reported clogged with fleeing partisans of the Bronx Bombers, many if whom were seen shedding any clothing that indicated their affinity. Meanwhile, midtown itself was eerily quiet. At 7:00PM the Red Sox horde was still utterly unimpeded in its operations.
From an undisclosed “secure location”, Yankee kingpin George Steinbrenner issued a statement which attempted to downplay the significance of recent events. Attributing the insurgency to “elements of the Bostonist party, baseball purists, and the usual crowd of dead-enders”, Steinbrenner promised that order would be restored “in due course”. Sources reported however that there is panicky consensus amongst the top ranks of Yankee leadership that action is needed to confront the growing threat. In this regard, the Yankees were reported last evening to have lured veteran 46-year old reliever Jesse Orosco out of retirement with a 4-year, $42 million contract.
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Meeting no resistance, the horde quickly seized control of the club and its environs, eventually setting up a de facto headquarters on the building’s third floor. After joining forces with a Red Sox contingent which arrived from Boston, the assemblage ran riot; eating, drinking and disparaging Yankeedom in all its forms. It is further reported that the revelry included a brazen display of the recently captured world series trophy. Indicating the messianic faith of the insurgents, it was reported that Red Sox had deployed Senior Vice President Dr. Charles Steinberg behind enemy lines to personally supervise the operation. Additionally, the BLOHARDS' entire leadership cadre, including the “Beloved Helmsman” J. B Powers was on the scene.
Coming as another in a series of stunning blows, this uprising further demoralized an already dispirited Yankee fandom. In its aftermath, trains and roads out of Manhattan were reported clogged with fleeing partisans of the Bronx Bombers, many if whom were seen shedding any clothing that indicated their affinity. Meanwhile, midtown itself was eerily quiet. At 7:00PM the Red Sox horde was still utterly unimpeded in its operations.
From an undisclosed “secure location”, Yankee kingpin George Steinbrenner issued a statement which attempted to downplay the significance of recent events. Attributing the insurgency to “elements of the Bostonist party, baseball purists, and the usual crowd of dead-enders”, Steinbrenner promised that order would be restored “in due course”. Sources reported however that there is panicky consensus amongst the top ranks of Yankee leadership that action is needed to confront the growing threat. In this regard, the Yankees were reported last evening to have lured veteran 46-year old reliever Jesse Orosco out of retirement with a 4-year, $42 million contract.