October 2012

Well, That's Over...
What "Zoolander" can teach us about Derek Jeter

The title character of the movie "Zoolander" is a male model who has two signature looks; "blue steel" and "le tigre". The movie's antagonist is driven to the point of criminal insanity by Zoolander's unmerited celebrity and, in particular, by the fact that blue steel and le tigre are indistinguishable from one another.

Would it be uncharitable of us to point out the similarities between Zoolander and his fellow famed pretty-boy, Derek Jeter? Like the former, the latter is celebrated for two trivial and essentially identical feats.
Jeter. Or wait- is it
the other way around?
These are the "Derek"; a three-hop seeing-eye ground ball that somehow dribbles through the left side of the infield, and the "Jeter"; a lame-assed bloop that falls to earth well in front of even the shallowest-positioned rightfielder.

Reality happily being different from the movies, no Jeter-distracted BLOHARD has yet, to our knowledge, hatched plans for world domination. Nevertheless, caution would seem to warrant to earliest possible end to the Jeter era. And -oh, if the comparison was uncharitable, never mind.

In other news...

Just the thing for the Red Sox-loving Sci-Fi fan on your Christmas list

We got an email a while ago from the promoters of a book entitled Extra Innings, the premise of which is that, following cryogenic resurrection in the year 2090, Ted Williams rejoins both the Red Sox and the Marines. In the fullness of time, he's evidently afforded the opportunity to make different choices than he did in his first life. Does he? You gotta read the book.

More here.

Kids Captain Lends a Hand

From New Jersey comes word of Sean Bennett who was selected this year as one of a dozen Red Sox Nation Kids Captains. While some in his position might have traded on their status to commit financial improprieties or consort with supermodels, Sean is made of nobler stuff. He instead organized and hosted a fundraiser which secured over $1,000 worth of bedding and linens and a further $300 in gift cards for Veterans Haven North; a newly-opened shelter for homeless veterans in Glen Gardner, NJ.

You can read more about Sean's efforts, and how you can help, here.
Yale Club Throng Feasts on Cameraderie, Chicken

Mitrovich Moderates All-Star Panel
George Mitrovich who, among other duties, chairs the Great Fenway Park Writer's Series wrangled up an accomplished cast of characters to talk, among other things, about their favorite recollections of Fenway at our recent lunch. The panel included Donna Eden Cohen, a fifth-generation Sox season-ticket holder; George Vescey, longtime New York Times sports columnist; Sox EVP and COO David Kennedy; Sox SVP and General Counsel David Friedman; and long-time BLOHARD favorite Dr. Charles Steinberg.

Among the highlights:
oVecsey talking about Ted Williams, and specifically about Williams' great catch at an old-timers' game, the recollection of which inspired a proud reaction in Williams years after the fact; and Williams holding court at Ralph Houk's desk in the clubhouse, while Houk himself sat on the floor.
oDr. Charles expressing his pleasure at returning to Boston, and his affection for the BLOHARDS. To hear him tell it, he's proselytized on our behalf nation-wide.
oVecsey interviewing Johnny Damon after game three of the 2004 ALCS and having Damon calmly state that, if he (Damon) wasn't mistaken, the Red Sox had run off plenty of four game winning streaks during the year.
oGeorge Mitrovich recounting how, late in the following game he was asked to compose a statment of congratulations to the Yankees. After editing input from both Charles Steinberg and Larry Lucchino, it was presented to John Henry who angrily, and prescently, aborted the endeavor.

George incidentally exhorts all BLOHARDS to subscribe to the Great Writers' email list, which can be done on their website.

Usual Suspects Do Usual Stuff
In his opening remarks, emcee Joe Cosgriff recalled many late nights spent wrestling with team statistics in an attempt to discern the source of the Sox' problems this year. Initally puzzled to find out that the Sox were second in the league in BS, he pondered who might have suprpassed them. His subsequent realization that the acronym stood for "blown saves" merely conpounded his confusion in this regard.

Bobby Jenks may not have provided the Sox with much quality pitching, but he did allow Joe to recycle some circa-2001 Rich Garces jokes, especially the one about being so big the Sox needed to turn him sideways to get him through waivers. And the one about how the when team asked him to eat his contract. Jenks asked if it came with sides. Joe also noted that if Dice-K really did have a gyroball, now might be a good time to break it out.

John Pizzarelli performed a medley of songs that won't be heard at his upcoming engagement at the Carlyle: "Patriots' Day" (to The Beatles' "Yesterday"); "Jacoby Ells-Buree" (To "Hooray for Hollywood": "But baby here's the rub/He's always in the tub..."); "My Bobby Valentine," and a stirring finale, "Jenks For the Memories" ("Of toes you couldn't reach/How your forty-seven outs cost us...three hundred thousand each").

Bob Sullivan mused on the nature of fandom and concluded that, notwithstanding recent difficulties, his own kids would carry on the family tradition of rooting for the Sox. At least if they wanted to continue living at home. Ray Duffy closed with a slideshow that hit most of the major food groups, including clubhouse chicken and beer, Fenway Franks, and the BLOHARDS' favorite hot dog, Alex Rodriguez. Best line (paraphrased): "The Joads have a more promising farm system than the Mets."
Carnac Kills

Official BLOHARD troubador John Pizzarelli reprised his Carnac the Magnificent role at lunch, astonishingly discerning the the content of hermetically sealed in envelopes never before seen by him. Among the highlights:

Carnac:"The Expendiables"
Envelope:Another name for Alfredo Aceves and all nine of his pitches
C:"Hardened criminals"
E:What you call the guys who stole the Viagra from Ed Randall's locker
C:"Whassamatta U"
E:Question asked by Ranger's pitching coach to team ace Darvish when he starts pitching like Dice-K
C:"Dustin Pedroia"
E:An activity pursued by somebody polishing his Pedroia?
C:"A Kenmore garbage disposal, an Oreck Quest vacuum, and the Boston Red Sox"
E:Three things that suck, one of which doesn't have to be plugged in.

The third one, just to be clear, is a play on words. The coach is asking his star pitcher; "What is the matter, Yu?" You see, the pitcher's first name is "Yu", which is what makes this particular joke go. We worried that some people might not have "gotten" it. Which would have been a shame. Hence the clarification.

The Schedule Maker Taketh, The Schedule Maker Giveth...

Next year's Sox schedule is significantly more BLOHARD-friendly than this one's was. 2013 lunches are scheduled for May 31 and September 6, both Fridays of non-holiday weekends. You can't ask for much better than that.

Mark 'em down in your calendars today.

All the cool kids are doing it!

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